If Microsoft was Headquartered in the South...

  1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders. 
  2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get an empty beer bottle.
  3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag. 
  4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Ahh-right" or "Naw." 
  5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos. 
  6. The "Recycle Bin" in Winders '95 would be an outhouse. 
  7. Instead of "Start Me Up", the Winders '95 theme song would be "Achy-Breaky Heart." 
  8. PowerPoint would be named "ParPawnt." 
  9. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Vishul Basic" and "Vishul C++." 
  10. Winders 95 logo would incorporate the Confederate Flag. 
  11. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word. 
  12. New Shutdown WAV: "Y'all come back now!" 
  13. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called "Cuz." 
  14. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am. 
  15. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr'sawft Henhouse. 
  16. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver. 
  17. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill's a billionaire. 
  18. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard 
  19. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor pull Simulator. 
  20. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates. 
  21. Redman plug'n'play interface. 
  22. They could still use Ky-row as code name for next upgrade, but Albenny would be the one after that. 
  23. Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume your program manager. 
  24. Instructions for use would include "mash the control key."

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