If Operating Systems Were Parties

Okay, in (dis)honor of Windows 95, here's what parties for other operating systems might have been like:

DOS: Everyone sits on hard chairs, with nothing to eat or drink, and talks. No one laughs.

Windows: Lots of beer, but it's flat; lots of food, but it's cold; and the fire alarm keeps going off so you have to go out and stand in the street, then go back in.

Mac: A catered party where waiters take care of your every need, but if you ask for unhealthy food they scold you and bring you a bran muffin.

Unix: There's no food or drink. But there's a great kitchen, and all the equipment you need for brewing beer in the bathroom.

VMS: A gigantic banquet, but the keynote speaker is so boring that everyone falls asleep and misses dinner.

MVS: A nineteenth-century dinner party -- it lasts forever, has a million rules, and you spend more time dressing for it than you do eating.

Amiga: Only two people come, and they sit together all night exclaiming about how wonderful the food is.

NeXT: The invitations are so advanced that no one can find the party.

CP/M: Everyone sits on rocks and roasts bear meat they caught themselves over the fire.

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